The Bi-Polar Bear in the Room
|Photo Cred: AlfonzoWords
Watch Overcomer – Animated Short
wow!! so deep & moving!💔
Filmed by: Hannah Grace / The Land Below
Ownership of the video goes to Hannah Grace
Gilded shadows pool on the floorboards, swirling in the ambient moonlight filtering through from the window. A man sits quietly to the left, watching the patterns forming in fascination. Amazing things really can be found in the quietest of moments, he thinks.
The man sits at his desk, a page out and a pen in hand, he tries for the life of him to form the words he knows need to be said. That familiar nagging tension stands locked within his shoulders, creeping down his spine. As if subtly trying to avoid his attention. Time was inching towards its inevitable climax and he had but one chance to get this right.
The man squares his shoulders in determined dominance, poised over the paper, with a firm grip on the pen. The tremors were thankfully, at a calming pace today. He takes a deep pull of oxygen to re-energize his brain and begins his writing.
As I write this, you are asleep in the very next room curled up with your favorite teddy, all exhausted and seven kinds of adorable.
You have been born unto a very different time indeed. Humanity now has tolerance & acceptance for things that in my day, were of the ultimate blasphemy. Technology has almost entirely invaded every aspect of our lives and more and more people are becoming “self-taught”. With the information all out there on the Internet webs at the touch of your fingertips. People no longer have the excuse of ignorance, when the information is now as easily accessible as just tapping away at their mobile phones.
Yet I feel, as your father, I owe you what needs to be owed. An account, an explanation and a plea. For even in such a world, preparations must be made.
Firstly, understand that your story may not be mine and I sincerely pray to all the gods that, I haven’t believed in, that you aren’t one of the afflicted in the way that I am. The experts as experts go tell me that you might just be like your old man after all. So it is with a heavy heart that I must convey this to you, in hope that you make a better go of it than I ever have.
Secondly, I would like to tell you just how proud of you I am. Supremely so. Of all that you are and all that I know you will continue be. You are truly the apple of mine eye and I thank all heavens of grace that you come from me.
So without ado, let’s get to it.
There will come times when the day is a great, bright myriad of colors full of wonder and sun-touched moments. You will find that in these moments, you are a god in your own right. Able to create the best of experiences with the best of people in the best of exuberant emotional intentions. Such will be your power, such will be your gift. People will look unto thee with renewed motivation and awe. They will flock, oh they will flock.
But alas this is not the happiness that I would give up my soul for you to keep. For their will come times, just as frequent, maybe more so. When the world will swallow you whole, throw you against a mountain of hurt and then spit you back out. Bear with me because this is what I want you to know. You are perfectly normal in this, more so than most. Because what you feel is true and real. Don’t let anyone ever tell you different. There were moments in my youth when I was told things like
“Do you just like the attention?”
“I thought you were stronger than this.”
You see son, unfortunately, it is easier oh so much easier for people to judge externally than internally. To dish out advice when it is that very same advice their own lives are sorely lacking. It is in these moments that your true self will be defined.
At times, I remained flabbergasted. How could I be so jubilant and flawlessly happy in one moment? Then, like the snap of a whip; feel like all hope had been taken from the world.
The agony of it is almost unbearable, blurring the line between what is sane and what isn’t. The anguish and guilt I felt were indescribable. Back then we didn’t dare name it, back then we didn’t dare justify it. None of it was known for being what was defined as a man. But now, now I tell you this in the wisdom that I urge you to listen to. There are no 1, 2, 3 easy fix steps here son. No magic pill or elegant soliloquy to face this monumental giant of despair for you. The only way through.. is through!
Every day will be a fight, the fight of your life. Every day will feel like an emotional roller coaster with no safety bar holding you down. Stand fast, my son, grip and hold on with maddening anger. For in this life, life itself is the greatest gift.
In the immortal words of John Green, “Pain demands to be felt.”
You must, above all else, everything else. FEEL! Feel it all, let it all in. Embrace the darkness with open arms and let her consume you. Find comfort in the abyss, don’t wait for that light to shine through or that hand to reach out to pull you through. If you’re drowning, learn to swim. If you’re falling, build your wings on the way down. Do not be like your old man, bottling it all up until the obvious and eventual explosion.
They will try, oh they will try so very much to “cure” you, change you and otherwise refuse to understand you. Never give this much thought, you are exactly as you were always meant to be. Live in the Helping of others but don’t not live For them.
Showing them that there’s more than rooted routines and predetermined roles.
It’s only the crazy ones who ever change the world.
I am not long for this world now boetie, my journey must continue elsewhere but wherever I am, I want you to know that nothing will ever change. I am your father and you are my son. Such is our relationship that it will even transcend death. I will live on within you, through you and of you.
You have been such a man of the house these last few months, especially when the tremors started. The waking in the dead of night to help me through it all. Taking care of me and your mother without any thought for yourself. I know everyone has been focusing on how your mother is handling all of this. I know that not everyone sees all that you do and all that you are. Because they can’t, no one can be with you 24/7. It’s much easier, in the hustle and bustle of life, to overlook things. But I do son, I do. I see it all. And that matters above all for I will always be your biggest fan, your biggest supporter. In this life and the next.
Go forth, unto the world, be brave, be you and if you so desire it, help them wake up.
I love you boetie, with everything that I am, I love you.
Sincerely, your father
A single tear glides down the man’s cheek and falls silently, landing over the word “love”. The ink, not dried yet, smudges the word with deafening significance.
|DeviantArt Cred: The BiPolar Bear
|Try It: Create a Collage like this of Your Emotions|